This is the year and Cubs are real/so come on down to Wrigley Field

[finefoxyladies]

Back from Wisconsin for a few days of Not-for-Profit Jamberooing. But it's all worth it to introduce you all to the Cubs, in tandem with cdeacon. And hopefully, this will help them win tonight at The Cell. Because I jinxed them yesterday by tuning in to WGN Radio in the ninth inning.

So if you like big men, slightly frightening men, Muppety men, ridiculously gorgeous men, Jersey men, or, you know, baseball, let's get to know...


At 1B, we have Derrek Lee or, as ManKate likes to call him, Chocolate Thunder:


cdeacon: I just like Derrek Lee, you know? He seems like a nice guy, works hard, doesn't say obnoxious things, and hits a lot of home runs. There's a lot to be fond of.

Yep. I agree with all that. I would like to add that there is something about his hair, beard, and lips that...man, he's just a good-looking dude.



At 2B, we have Mark "The Boss" DeRosa:


cdeacon: Mark DeRosa has his own blog. For me personally, the highlight of said blog was this excerpt from an interview he did with Ryan Theriot:

DEROSA: How did it feel when you're sitting in Baton Rouge and it came across the ticker that Mark DeRosa had just signed to play second base with the Chicago Cubs.

THERIOT: In all honestly, when I saw it, I really felt like punching you right in the mouth and or breaking your leg. It was kind of a shock. It was a little upsetting in the beginning. But after Jim [Hendry] called me, and we talked a little bit about it, I felt better about the whole situation.

DEROSA: And when I showed up at Fitch Park, what were your impressions about me?

THERIOT: I didn't know if we were getting a second baseman or an Ultimate Fighter. Your physique was comparable to that of a Greek god.

DEROSA: Or Bob Howry.

THERIOT: Or Bob Howry.

I think that really sums up all you need to know about DeRosa and, for that matter, Theriot. And Bob Howry.

Heh, there'll be more on Howry later. I just have to add that I initially found DeRo dodgy-looking. Last year, I cracked all sorts of jokes about how he looked like a dude you'd catch stealing your flat-screen. Now? I kind of find him Joe Morelli-esque or The Hero of a Springsteen Song-esque. All stubbly and broad and maybe like he'd be real...



Here he is celebrating! Yay!

At short, the aforementioned Ryan "The Riot" Theriot:




cdeacon: I saw a girl in the bleachers at Wrigley the other day wearing a tank top that said "the Riot," which I hope will catch on as Ryan Theriot's nickname, especially since my mother thought of it first. Anyway, I mainly just find Theriot really adorable in the way that puppies are adorable, even though he's neither small nor especially young, so I have no idea what that's about.

I have to say that I agree with A. about the adorability, even while I also agree with anxietygrrl that ALL SOUL PATCHES ARE AN ABOMINATION UNTO THE CUTE MALE FACE. And Theriot grows some patchy patchy soul patches.

At 3B, and I'll let cdeacon take the wheel on this entirely, because she luuuuuurrves him, Aramis Ramirez:





cdeacon: It took me a while to warm up to Aramis Ramirez. I mean, I've always been impressed with his playing and hoped he might be a big part of the salvation of the Cubs, but I didn't really find him that attractive. That has changed this season, although I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's his tendency to hit home runs at crucial moments, and how adorable he looks when being congratulated by his teammates? Anyway, here he is. As Jessie pointed out to me, his teammates call him "Louis Vuitton," presumably reflecting his awesome fashion sense off the field, demonstrated here in his cool shades.

And finally, and...I just...something:





Geovany Soto. The catcher. He's so...

cdeacon: Oh, Geovany. Where to begin? This article describes him as having "the face of a telenovela star" and a "stereotypical catcher's body - sturdy tending toward stocky," which is, needless to say, deeply attractive. The article also points out that he might help lead the Cubs to a World Series victory, which would be...something, I don't know, I got distracted by his crazy eyelashes. Um. Geo.



(Bonus person in second picture: Mike Fontenot, a tiny 5'8 Muppet person who has to reach straight upward to high-five his teammates. He should probably cut his hair, but he's so adorable I guess it doesn't really matter.)

And I have to concur about Geovany. It's astounding to me how beautiful his face is and how catchery his body is, and the article about him makes me wish I haven't dedicated most of my fantasy baseball wife life to Carlos Zambrano. Because far be it for me to come between two such intense, large men...

Heh. Heh heh.

Also: Michael Fontenot, featured high-fiving Geo because he's a big boy, cracks me up. As Kate once said, "He'd probably be pretty cute if he'd get a haircut and shave that shit off his face." A few weeks ago, he was being snuggled on by Dempster, which for serious? He's almost the team mascot. Though that honor belongs to the other utility infielder, Ronny Cedeno:


Every time I see Ronny in the dugout, he reminds me of that overeager sidekicky Looney Tunes dog. "Hey! Hey! Hey guys! Hey! We're gonna have so much fun playin' ball today, guys! Hey! Guys! Look at me!"


In the outfield, we have:



Fuk-u-dome! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!

cdeacon: Although I haven't been able to find it again, I read an article near the beginning of this season that said something about how Chicagoans now rank Fukudome "somewhere between Barack Obama and sunshine." I don't know if I'd go that far, but...well, maybe I would.

I would like to add that his poker-faced-yet-"this is bullshit" expression is priceless.

In left, SOON HOPEFULLY, there is Alfonso Soriano, owner of the best smile in baseball:


The joy this man brings to the game is just wow. I loved sitting in the left field bleachers and watching him interact with the fans.

And the two guys who've handled center or right or left or...whatever:
Looks Like Your Friend's Cool Dad, Jim Edmonds:



cdeacon: Jim Edmonds seems to have officially won almost all Cubs fans over, despite having played very well for our rival, the St. Louis Cardinals, in the past. He had a rather unfortunate turn with the Angels earlier this season, but Cubdom seems to agree with him. Welcome, Jim!

And it's true: ManKate, who takes the Cards thing very seriously, was all about booing Edmonds. That has now stopped.

And here is Reed Johnson:


I miss him. He's been injured the last week or so, and he came onto the club like a house on fire and is just fun to watch. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion he fronts a speed metal band in the off-season.

And now some of the pitchers:





MLB Fan Jessie: I love Carlos Zambrano because he throws a mean fastball, he's passionate about the game, and he's a hell of a hitter, pitcher or no.

Regular Jessie: 6'5" and 255. 6'5" and 255. 6'5" and 255. And he's so, so, so passionate. You know, they say "volatile," but he's so soft-spoken after games that I imagine he's...something. Something something.

God, he's SO BIG.

And volitaile? Absolutely. (And that's not even video of him kicking the shit out of his own catcher...which is not cool, guys. It's not. Cool. To fight.)

He also loves God a lot, as evidenced by his many thanks to The Big Man Upstairs and the fact that he let a man of the cloth (who...is clearly not a writer by trade) write his biography.

Then: Theodore Roosevelt Lilly:




Kate mentioned, early last year, that Ted Lilly reminded her of Steve Martin's nervous kid from Parenthood. Since then, I have felt within me a deep-rooted need to protect and love Ted Lilly. Make him some soup. Maybe marry him. Just to take care of him, you understand. Make sure the house is nice and warm when he gets home. Rub his back a lot.

Also: his name is really Theodore Roosevelt. I'm not joking.

After I told cdeacon this, she sent me the following e-mail during one of Lilly's games:
Also, I see that Teddy is pitching tonight. I'm trying to send him loving vibes, let him know there are people who want to make sure he's okay and everything, not like the cruel men who yell, "Throw a strike, Lilly!" from the bleachers. I blame you for making me all crazy about this.

If you like strawberry blond boys, be they Canadian or Southern, maybe you'll dig Ryan "The Joker" Dempster and Kerry Wood:

Demps--


Woody--


Jason Marquis looks like Lon Cheney about 30 frames into the Wolfman transformation:


And Bob Howry is suspected of having several hobos buried in his basement

Hope you enjoyed getting to know the Northside boys. I know I've enjoyed fantasizing about what it would be like to be Mrs. Carlos Zambrano...if Geo won't have me...just kidding, Z! And many, many thanks to cdeacon for obsessing with me.

Go, Cubs, Go!