Music is great, Starbucks is great...

Right on, Liz Lemon. Right on.

See, guys? This is why, when my love of baseball died a natural girly death when I went away to college, I didn't miss baseball. The gnawing disappointment, the spooky feeling that you, and you alone, are controlling the fate of your favorite team, the crushing and agonizing overinvolvement that you KNOW is ridiculous, but you just can't STOP CARING and WISHING THEY HAD FINISHED DEAD LAST LIKE THE TWINS IN '93 SO THAT IT WOULDN'T HURT GOD THE PAIN.

I am eating a giant slice of sausage pizza to numb the Feelings, invalid as they are. aj and I walked over to Corner Pizzeria where the speakers blare Sinatra at all hours. Even 8:00 a.m. when CP isn't open. This morning, an African-American mother of two burst out the door of CP during non-business hours (I'm guessing she either owns it or sets them up with breakfast muffins or something) and said in a tone that was either facetious or earnest, "Don't you just LOVE this music?"

I mean, yes, I do. But every morning with the "My Way" or "Fly Me to the Moon." A girl has her limits.

WHY?! WHY DID DEMPSTER FAIL ME?! HE GREW AN ALLURING GINGER BEARD!!! WHERE WAS THE POWER OF HIS MIGHTY ONTARIAN WHISKERS?! GOD IT HURTS SO BAD.

(several bites of subpar giant pizza later)

Okay, so then I watched P-Run.

This is a conversation I believe happened in the Hamptons after the airing of last week's ep...

Tim: Victor?
Victor: Yes, honey?
Tim: I know you're trying to be supportive, and I appreciate that you went through all the trouble to glitter paint the UP YOUR ASS, YOU DISRESPECTFUL WHORE sign, but...well, I'm her teacher and...
Victor: Tim, I told you that when you look over the tops of your glasses like that, it only makes me want...
Tim: Oh, stop. And for God's sake, please take the effigy of Kenley down from the kitchen doorway. Jen and Violet are coming over later, and we don't want to give her nightmares.
Coco Chanel the Pom: *bark bark!* (roughly translated from Pom: But Daddy, she IS a disrespectful whore!)

After this week's ep? I don't know, maybe Heidi will come over, she and Victor will get drunk on a few bottles of good syrah, and the effigy will go back up. After all, Jen and Vi can't be in New York forever.

( I HAVE HAD TO FIGHT MY WHOLE LIFE! )

WHY????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ALL YOU NEEDED TO DO WAS JUST...WIN!! IS THAT SO HARD, CUBS? JOE MANTEGNA JUST SAID AMAZING, WARM, WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT LOVING YOU IN A YAHOO! COLUMN TODAY!!!

The pizza isn't helping. Maybe if I make an effigy of Kenley.

But seriously, in hilarious news, if you like laughing about and loving Horatio Caine, this is one of my favorite posts from last week. Genius.

Also, if you love random shots of TITUS being all TITUSy, piecesofalice provides them in the comments of my recent lazy picspam of Life.

Be grateful you will not hear from me tomorrow, as I will be at the Gomez concert, trying desperately to earn good karma by being happy and involved in Not Cubs related life activities.

Take that, Levine.

Brunch plans with morganaus (playing Florence N. back in Cleves) and upsy_daisy (working for a living, living and a-working, taking what Huey Lewis is giving...) fell through, so Kate and I had a nice romantic Sunday lunch/brunch at Cafe Selmarie. We had mimosas and food and then enjoyed Lincoln Square's sidewalk sale (lots of shoes, K.).

Speaking of upsy_daisy: oh, Bosco. Seriously: Faith is right to mock.

( I promise I'll get help! )

In baseball news: I guess Ron Santo said of Mighty Mike, "Little Babe Ruth, big boy."

And in LOCI news, DEAKINS IS A PIRATE WHAT LOL?

I know a lot of you don't care about baseball, but you do care about me and my mental well-being. So if you would, please, keep Tedward "Ted" Lilly in your thoughts and prayers as he faces the D-Backs tonight.

Guys. Look at his solemn, sweet face. I'm not even requiring you to wear a ribbon or forward this on to your friends (yet).

Were you aware that one out of one Ted Lillies is in danger of not being cheered on properly? Shocking. But true.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts and donations of soup, cheek patting, and bubble gum (he likes the pink kind).

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I have to say: these Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers are delicious, particularly the beef merlot kind. They have adult-sized servings of veggies! They have flavorstuffs!

I'm just saying, they kick the crap out of many Lean Cuisine options.

But not the paninis. Those things are flash-frozen crack.

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Normally I don't go in for loud humor (for example, Cheri Oteri = punch in face; Lewis Black = sometimes punch in face), but for some reason, Tracy Morgan shouting "SAMSON!" and shoving Kenneth and Prince Pee-Wee's "Thank you all FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" from 30 Rock delight me to no end.

30 Rock! It's on tonight! And don't eat my blood cookie!

My friend Aim was kind enough to text me not long after hearing Stevie B's "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" on my hometown's AM radio station. Oh, the hilarity's just starting. Then, in a stroke of genius, Aim e-mailed me a link to the video.

1) Compare the pink tone of the video to that of my geigergrade Richard Marx icon. The early '90s? Apparently bathed in this color at all times.

2) What...is his hair? I'm so puzzled? Is that a Jheri-hawk?

THEN, after I told Aim I had a Richard Marx icon as pink as the Stevie B video, she e-mailed me back: Dude, all of those sentimental-tacky-crap videos from that era have that pink-tinge to it. Case in point: Timmy T's "One More Try" (with Portuguese subtitles!)

1) I don't know what is more marvelous: the mustard suit jacket/turtleneck combo or the white or extremely stonewashed (name of my '80s/'90s tribute band) jeans.

2) "Hi, my name is Timmy T! I'm very pink-tinted! And I am NOT Tommie Page, so stop asking me."

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A poll shall follow the posting of these pictures:
( Which of the following Cubs is the hottest? )

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( My boss is out of the office! A poll! )

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My boss is out of the office: a meme thanks to elspethsheir!
Leave your name here and I will tell you why it's awesome to have you on my flist!

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If the Internet gods were truly looking out for me, someone out there would have made screencaps of the Judging Amy boys in their tuxedoes. More specifically, of Richard T. Jones and Tim Omundson. More specifically than that, of Tim Omundson when his tie was undone, a shot of whiskey in his hand, making smoke rings with his cigar. ( Last but not least: Judging Amy! )