I was going to wait for

piecesofalice to show her sunny face online and pressure her for a picspam, but...I couldn't stand it. I had to do it.

Just a meta opener: back in the back in the back in the DAY, when I first started ~~stalking~~ following Psych closely, the USA Network page had a poll. The question was "Who do you want Juliet to end up with?" And the last option was "She should get together with Lassiter."

I was already a little in love with the two of them, but that option seemed less like a possibility and more like a joke.

But was it? Was it a joke? Or back then, back when I felt like a crazy, crazy island, was Steve Franks thinking about it? Considering the possibility? And why? Why would he do something like that and not tell me, warn me?

*cough*

SO the ep kicks off with a bunch of hilarious folderol with Henry, Shawn, and Gus. La la la. Ha ha ha.

Then we cut away to The Station. The chief has a special assignment for our favorite detectives.

Her assignment: for Lassiter and Juliet to provide height!porn for the masses. Also to look like they are standing at an altar.

Chief Vick: How's your caseload?
O'Hara: Light.
Lassiter: ...ish.
O'Hara: *glare*

Lassiter and O'Hara are going on a mission for the mayor. They are pleased.

Also, they are going to embrace any second. I swear. They will. Look at them just share eye contact like that.

Sigh.

Their sunniness makes me want to burst into song and fling rose petals in the air and rainbows and...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

But vowels alone cannot express my feelings upon Lassiter taking up this posture:

Dear. Sweet. Arm. Porn. I titled these photos "My kingdom for a tee shirt." If I had a kingdom, I would totally trade it for a tee shirt for Tim Om to rock/wear. I would, I would.

Anyway, Lassiter, only having heard the words "delinquent" and "vandalism," is making plans to try the kid as an adult and other such Lassiteresque overreactions.

Vick explains that Lassiter's strong arm, crazy Jack Webb tactics aren't going to fly: she wants a man with a slow hand on this case. The kid is the deputy mayor's son, blah blah McGruff the Crime dog.

Hence Lassiter's (ADORABLE) confusio-face.

So, charged with their duty, our intrepid detectives head off, O'Hara making the cutest "SHRUG" face, and Lassiter mumbling "Yes'm."

LOVE.

So we're treated to The Best Ride-Along Ever, Wherein Lassiter's Deeply Repressed, Very Subtle Crush on His Partner is Revealed:

After complaining about the smell of the back of the squad ("It smells like foot" HA!), the kid, hanging from the cage like a tree frog, begins his unsubtle cruise of our Detective O'Hara by asking, "What's your story, baby?"

Juliet looks disgusted. As well she should.

Lassiter is nothing if not all OVER defending his woman's honor. He gives the kid strike one for calling O'Hara "baby," something he, Lassiter, would never, in his wildest fantasies (mmm...wildest fantasies) call his blonde and darling officer of the law.

(He would probably call her "sweetie.")

Tree Frog asks Juliet if "[Lassiter's] always like this."

Short answer, kid: yes. Long answer: you see, back when Juliet was first partnered with Carlton, she said something about not being into interoffice dating, and then there was a surprise birthday party and speed dating and a hug and...

Juliet pwns the tree frog, telling him that "baby" is not allowed. She tells him if he keeps it up, he'll end up on her bad side too.

"It all looks good from here."

O'Hara: *eyeroll* (If Tim Om is master of the Eyebrow, then Maggie Lawson is the principessa of eyerolling.)

Lassiter, territorial and hot and angry and hot, is all, "STOP TALKING TO MY WOMAN! RESPECT THE BADGE! SHE HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES AND HER HAIR SMELLS LIKE ~~CINNAMON~~ TBA!" /Ron Burgundy

Then O'Hara asks "why are you acting out?" And because Lassiter is ridiculous and on the defensive and in love, he's all "HE STARTED IT!"

O'Hara (much, much love): I was talking to the kid.

PETULANCE!

So glorious. I could see where Lassiter might be mistaken for a child.

Chastened. Urgh, so adorable.

And here it comes, people: the War and Peace of Lassiter/O'Hara True Love 4Evahness:

Tree Frog: Has anyone ever told you your hair smells like strawberries?

Lassiter: It's peaches.

Tree Frog: Ellipses of dumb
O'Hara: Ellipses of a variety that should result in her next move being a hand on his knee, but life is unfair, so the ellipses just sit there gawking.

Frickin' ellipses.

Busted!

"Blah blah blah excuses about things and stuff and grocery lists and this isn't Life, so I don't believe you're fixated on fruit, Lassiter."

What am I supposed to do with that? Huh? HUH? Where is the O'Hara of "I don't believe in interoffice romance?" Where is *befuddled* or *skeeved out* or even *shocked?*

The kid tries a new route: calling O'Hara "Juliet."

Oh, it is ON. If Lassiter has to PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN HIMSELF FROM CALLING O'HARA BY HER FIRST NAME, SOME SNOT-NOSED TREE FROG IS NOT GOING TO GET THAT RIGHT!

Channeling Principal Vernon, Lassiter informs the kid that if he messes with the bull, he will get the horns.

Tree Frog, trained in debate by James Carville, brings up the excellent counterpoint that Lassiter should be delighted to work with this "amazingly hot woman" every day.

Now, color me wanky, but O'Hara's face in the following screams "This kid has a point. Why don't you tell me I'm pretty every single day, Carlton."

You make the call.

Lassiter begins his litany of ~~reasons why he is so head over heels in love with Juliet O'Hara~~ Things That Juliet O'Hara is, namely competent, smart, tidy...

Who needs Hallmark? I mean, just look at her. She's practically glowing because Lassiter called her tidy.

But every compliment session that Lassiter launches is bound to crash and burn. In this case, Lassiter shouts at his own libido (which I believe he keeps in a cage, sorta like Hansel und Gretl in the witch's cottage): MY PARTNER IS NOT HOT.

Um, a shot from later in the ep:

But, you know, whatever he has to tell himself.

O'Hara's reaction to this high-volume LIE LIE LIE:

Disappointment? Y/N.

...

So yeah. It was only three minutes, but it was three minutes of agony and ecstacy and joy and pain and sunshine and rain.

Lassiter loves her. And she doesn't mind. And pretty much...loves him.